The afternoon is spent at the dog club AGM, dogs not invited. We win a prize, despite not trying to. It’s a team prize which we didn’t contribute to because we didn’t know a team prize was on offer, so we didn’t send our points in. Good job they weren’t depending on us. The buffet lunch is so dog club:- pastries, sausages, white bread and even chips. Doggo loves his prizes: - a fluffy ball, and a huge chewy bone. Keeps him ‘noisy’ for hours.
The FA Cup draw pairs us with Sheffield Weds, which means a return home for four of our former players and a meeting for Paul Jewell with one of his former clubs.
L cooks up roast beef for tea. Excellent.
Tonight we watch a film at home on DVD. The film is Mistress Of Spices. A story about a girl called Tilo, played by the Miss World of 1994, who is a member of a cult of some sort that worships spices. She turns up in America and runs a shop from where she helps people solve their problems by simply mixing the right spices together. Nice trick if you can do it and nobody seems to think that there's anything usual about this. She also has the power to see the future, so she can fix their problems before they happen, which is handy. This all sounds a bit familiar to me, isn't this Chocolat but with coriander instead?
When a chap called Doug happens to fall off his motorbike outside her store (well staged Doug, we know your game), she patches him up with a quick curry masala to his injured arm and voilà they are instantly hot as a Jalfrazi for each other. At which point her little spice empire starts to unravel as she breaks the three golden rules. Which are that she must never leave her shop; never touch the skin of another person (bit difficult when she wants to jump him) and finally she can never use the spices for her own gain.
She tries (half-heartedly) to reject Doug's advances, probably because the chillies disapprove and give her a right telling off but she ignores them and continues to fraternise with him. This makes the chillies really furious and all the spices gang up to punish her. This affects all the people she has helped by undoing the good she has done for them.
In the end she has to choose. Does she stick to her sad lonely life pummelling her spices with her pestle and mortar or does she get spicy with Doug and get him to do the pummelling instead. Well needless to say they get their night of passion, cue some erotic undressing, but the jealous chillies (green ones naturally) trash the shop. Luckily Saint Doug offers to rebuild her business. Ah, a happy ending.
The film is obviously very much a fantasy tale. It’s a light and fluffy Sunday night film, the antidote to Jessie James. A predictable but pleasant film. One thing though that really got to me was the voice-over of her inner thoughts. It reminded me of Tatiana, a very dubious film I once saw...
We’re on such a role, we encore with an episode of Bleak House.
Wait for it, drum roll... 25 units this week.
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