Team Sports

Up at 5.15 and in the car by 6.00. Doggo and I are at a club agility competition in Preston. Our club are the defending champions and hosts for this latest event. Yes we are based in Derby and Preston is 110 miles away but apparently this is a home match. The competition is for teams in the North West of which we are allegedly part and the venue is central to the area, allegedly. The next one is in October and is in Carlisle, a mere 190 miles away, very central. Somebody, somewhere, needs to learn some geography.

The format of the event is that the best four dogs from each club with the best-combined score from the Agility and Jumping events count for the team. The trick to winning it is to get four dogs to go clear in both events, known in the trade as double-clears. There are also two ‘fun’ events (obviously taken deadly seriously) as well.

Because my club is organising and I’m helping out this means I can basically do my four runs whenever and in what order I like whereas normally you have to follow a running order.

A big hairy thing (canine) craps on the A-Frame and gets a big round of applause. Doggo would have been livid, had he seen it, he hates big hairy things. Another dog jumps the four-foot high wire netting surrounding the ring and continues onto the course in the next ring.

Back at home, L says she is already up; it is only 9am and she about to go out bricking it again. Good job I'm not at home, I'd have interfered with her training. I've chucked up the chance of a sex-filled lie-in until noon to be in Preston surrounded by dogs! Hmmm.

I opt to lob Doggo in at the deep end and do the Jumping event first rather than warm him up by doing a ‘fun’ event. It works we go clear. We then do the ‘fun’ Jump and Go and cock it up. He brings a pole down but it’s partly my fault for trying an ambitious move. We then go clear in the second ‘fun’ event Helter Skelter. I decide to give Doggo a rest and run the Agility after lunch.

As a helper I get a free lunch and it's a world first, a healthy meal is served up at a dog show. Well not all healthy but I saved the pork pie for Doggo and even then I didn’t give the pastry.

L texts to say that she is now lying in the garden and nobody is shagging her towel or lobbing a ball at her. She’s referring to Doggo not me. I promise that we'll be home as soon as we can to put that right. Doggo can have the towel, I'll take care of L.

In the afternoon with the pressure on we do the Agility and go clear. Well I’ve done my bit for the cause.

In the football, Derby are at Ipswich. Oakley scores a cracker (again). 1-0 to Derby.

I am informed by mission control that I am our third double-clear but we only have one more dog that could make up the fourth. It appears that some our more illustrious partnerships, some with Crufts appearances under their belt, have cocked it up big time.

Everyone is trying not to let the poor chap know that the title depends on his last run. He’s busy working and takes an age to get around to doing his run. When he finally does run he puts in a very ragged run but its clear, so jubilation, err no, wrong dog. He’s has two dogs and this one had faults in the Jumping. Well at least he's had a useful practice run. He runs the second dog and it’s going to be a very generous judge who lets him get away with alighting from the seesaw when it's that far off the ground. I’ve seen plenty of judges let that go but not this one. Bugger, time to hand over the trophy.

In the football, Derby too are having problems with the judge (aka the referee). Goalkeeper Bywater is dismissed along with an Ipswich player. Luckily we have a substitute goalie on the bench. As the two traipse off, a mass melee explodes at the edge of the pitch. Any right of appeal disappears down the proverbial tunnel.

Billy Davies is on the pitch making a request to the ref to use his common sense. It is the same ref, a Mr Williamson, who refused to use common sense in the game at Southend three months ago and that day he sent Billy Davies to the stands. The result is predictable, bye bye Billy.

Mr Williamson averages a red card every four games. Today he sends off three and books ten. A table topping performance from the ref, at least.

Up in Preston we finish a credible but trophy-less 5th (out of 12). Doggo and I come home with rosettes for individual finishes of 5th (Jumping) and 6th (Agility). A very pleasing start to the season.

Back at Ipswich things are getting even worse. In the game against Coventry, Mears lost the ball, caught ball watching, seconds later its in the back of our net. Against Ipswich, ditto. 1-1. McEverly gifts a late penalty 2-1. Null points. Birmingham and Sunderland both win. A depressing drive down the M6.

In the evening we been invited to the evening function of the wedding of a work colleague of mine but it's getting late, I'm tired and after four hours in the car, all I want to do is have a few pints of beers. Decent beer that is, life's too short to drink crap beer at a wedding reception. Also before that I've got some lustful urges that I'd like L to help me deal with.

Lust taken care of, we head into town, Pitch Black and Landlord at the Borlase, then across the road, where for once they have a guest beer on at the Ropewalk. As is tradition we finish at Scruffys with a couple of Leffe’s. Then home for a Keema, that L had prepared earlier.