Condom Trousers

L is looking very tempting this morning but no, I got my warm up in last night. Also I fear that it might take me twenty minutes or more to get my new cycling trousers on because they look very tight.

I manage to pour myself into my new trousers, which appear to be made of gossamer-like fine gauge lycra. I double check the label to make sure they're not manufactured by Durex. In fact the whole process of getting into them is very reminiscent of the process of rolling a condom on. Hopefully my circulation will still be working by the time I get to work.

I'm in almost full winter mode for cycling now. I've put my lights back on and not only do I go for the long trousers, I also put my summer socks away for the year, opting for thicker ones and even go for the jacket. L warns me not to get carried away in my new lycra gear. As if.

In fact, I'm very impressed with the new condom trousers, they're very comfortable, although the padding is a bit new and stiff at the moment. I could have some sore bits tonight. In fact I wonder at first whether I've got them on back to front or not but no, I don't think so. Good job, I can't really stop at the roadside and put them on the other way round. Hopefully they'll soften up a bit after a few rides. They'd better do, I can't take them back now, as after I wiped my nose on my gloves, I wiped my gloves down my trousers.

In fact it turns out L was right. My new lycra does make me ride faster. All snug and warm and condomised, I bomb along at quite a nice pace, cutting through the wind like a knife. It's not record pace but 53 minutes is pretty good. I've been ambling to work in 58 or worse. I am however, as predicted, numb in one particular place. I will have to see if I can get any sympathy out of L later.

L tells me she's been out for a lunchtime swim. So she's obviously trying to out do me again but she's safe, I shall not try and out smug her today. I shall swim tomorrow. Tonight I shall run and exercise Doggo, ending up at the Tennis Centre to meet her out of pilates.

The traffic is heavy as I cycle home, the M1 has been closed due to an accident involving a motorcyclist, and although it now appears to be open again, I think a lot of people are not risking it and taking alternative routes.

Two 'serious' cyclists go past me at the Bramcote Island lights, which is rather unfair as I've stopped at the lights and they hit it just right as they change. I set off to give chase, as you do. I manage to catch them and then draft them all the way along Derby Road. I'm very pleased with myself; it didn't really take much effort but then when the road goes uphill after Priory I can't stay with them. Oh well.

I get home and change kit, taking off the new condom trousers and putting on Ronhills instead. Better to be safe than sorry. I don't know how powerful these new trousers are yet. I don’t want L causing an embarrassing scene in the Tennis Centre car park and having to chuck cold water over her, my lycra has a strange effect on her.

Doggo and I extend our run, just a little bit. No harm topping up the smug a little bit is there now. We do a lap around the university lake before we go to meet L. We get a good reception from her, a chocolate muffin and a chocolate brownie that she had sneaked out of work. Nothing for Doggo though, she didn't manage to get away with a flapjack, they’re his favourite.

I cook up a curry. Mince and chicken combined. E.g. leftovers.