Chuggers

Doggo gets to spend his first day alone in the house since May as Son starts college for real today. He impressively gets his paper round done early and he's out the house by eight. L says Daughter also sailed off like a sweetie, nice and early. So something must be up, perhaps she even likes some of her teachers this year.

I go into town at lunchtime, to have the old 'barnet' trimmed, among other things. Then without warning one of those pouting young lasses who prowl the street of Derby, in their low cut, figure-hugging tops looking for clients, deliberately cuts across my path trying to get my attention. It's just like the old days. I never thought I would but I've missed this. By being marooned on Pride Park I've actually missed the Chuggers, the charity muggers, pedalling their emotional prostitution. Not the dreadlocked men of course but the girls, it's just not the same without them. Understandably my avoidance strategy is a little rusty. Everyone else around me is pretending to send a text message, turning their ipod volume up or simply just pretending they don’t exist.

I know she's only after my credit card, not that there's anything unusual about women after credit cards. So before she can mention wildlife, rain forests, cancer or starving children. I'm off. So that's her commission stuffed.

L's been having emails from a girl with the surname of Lardbottom. The mind boggles. Would love to know what she looks like. L says she should have changed her name by deed poll. Of course, blinded by true love, she might have married into it, after falling for the irresistibly delicious Mr Lardbottom.

Britain's Mark Cavendish extends his lead in the Tour of Britain by winning the stage into Southampton.

We don't have a good night at dog class or rather I don't, Doggo has a whale of a time as usual. My flick-flacks aren't very good; this is a technical term, slaloms to you. I must stop waving both arms in the air at the same time.

L's at yoga, so we drive to John Carroll to meet her but somehow miss her. She's nearly home by the time I find her.