Iceberg

This morning, as I woke up and the fog of sleep cleared from my mind. I realised that there was a very attractive and youthful lass curled up against me. At a rough guess I'd put her age at about 23. Since she was awake and of course not wishing to be impolite, I embrace her affectionately. Very affectionately. She didn't seem to mind. In fact she seemed very grateful. Glad to be of service.

Once I had untangled myself from the young girl. I had to decide on car or bus. Bus was tempting although it'll be a cold cold walk at either end. The thermometer said -5 degrees. The local weather forecast says we’re getting 10cm of snow tomorrow. They seem pretty definite, snow starts at 5am prompt.

In the end plump for the car. Then I can go for a post work swim, which was L's suggestion. I should still be back in time to chauffeur Daughter to her women's institute, sorry Guides meeting. Daughter apparently does still not want to go to school and chucked all her toys out of the pram again this morning.

Lecht ski area, just down the road from our cottage in Scotland, has opened today, as they’ve had snow. So good news there. Just hope they can hold on to it for the next fortnight.

Dudley council announces that they are not opening any of their schools tomorrow in ‘anticipation of the snow’ even before a single flake had fallen. Oh for gods sake. How pathetic. Whoever made that decision should be dismissed immediately.

After work I head straight for the swimming pool, as planned. It's not as busy as last time I came and the clientele are certainly not as good on the eye. Where are all the babes?

Anyway down to the serious stuff, I'm here to swim. I decide to be assertive and go into one of the two fast lanes. There are two female psychos in the end lane, powering up and down, so I decide to go in the second lane, hoping it would be more relaxed.

As I swim up and down, I realise my mistake. The only other occupant of the lane is certainly no babe. I end up pondering on the wonders of nature as this mass of white flesh floats along, reminiscent of an iceberg. How can something so big float? Amazing. Suppose jumbo jets fly but they are a least streamlined and powered by big engines not stubby little arms and legs.

She also certainly shouldn't be in the fast lane. She swims one length breaststroke (slowly) then she turns over and does the next length backstroke (at a snail's pace). By now I've been joined by another woman in the lane. The two of us keep colliding as we try and stay behind the slow moving obstruction, the lane is just too narrow to overtake safely. It's reminiscent of when you get stuck behind a tractor on a narrow country lane.

I look enviously across at the other fast lane. Not only are the women more attractive over there, they can swim. I study one of the girl's techniques and try to pick it up. I'm studying her so closely I'm worried she might notice and slot me one for ogling her body. Nice though her figure is it's her technique I'm after but I'm sure my excuse wouldn't wash.

The iceberg sees us all off and eventually she is alone in the lane again. I head home to escort Daughter to guides. Something seems to have happened to my arms; I can't lift them. Must have been a good workout.

Get Doggo all ready for the walk to guides. I kit him out in his new collar that I've bought off the internet and which has arrived today. It's red; almost the same colour as his running jacket. L will love it; she'll say it looks smart on him. I think it's a bit poncy; Doggo seems to agree.

Then Daughter decides she isn't going to guides, which is fine with me. She gives some excuse that she hasn't got the full uniform and they're clamping down on that. Unlikely. She also says that she doesn't want to miss Hollyoaks. More likely. Sad.

‘TV taught me how to sulk and love nothing’ - That's a quote from 'Uniform' a track off the new Bloc Party album.

L gets home and is keen to run. So Doggo and I decide to join her rather than go to dog class. It will do Doggo good to have a run round the pond. I also manage to talk L into a swift one. She's suspicious as to whether I mean sex or alcohol. I was thinking of the pub but I'm not fussy, either or preferably both.

L extends the run route yet again. 'It'll only add ten minutes to it' she says. Half an hour later we finally reach the sanctuary of the pub.

I have an Everards Tiger, which is very nice. L tastes mine and decides she wants one on the second round. It's so nice in fact that, as is usual with anything I like, they take it off the bar before I can have another one. Resort to Taylors Landlord. Two pints on a Wednesday. Naughty.

Get Home. Knackered. I sleep. What happened to 'both'.