The Winning Of The Towel

I have to resort to the worst option this morning and drive in. It’s the only way I can get home quickly enough for tonight’s entertainment, the ‘run’.

A couple of momentous occasions today. Firstly it’s Doggo's Birthday, his 6th. Secondly, I’ve just filled in the form for the Electoral Role and I’ve had to put Son’s name on it, even though he can't vote for another two years.

When I tell L, in an email called ‘A Momentous Occasion’, she immediately expects the occasion to be something silly like me entering an open water tri. I tell her to wash her mouth out.

Taking of Son, he’s been really struggling to get up for his paper round this week. The holiday and all those lie-ins to lunchtime seem to have stuffed his body clock. Thinks he’s suffering with some form of jet lag now.

L’s the one who had cycled in today and she’s pleased not to get squashed. She’s on the bike because she wants to get back in time from her physio to see me ‘run’. She’s back having treatment because her injury hasn’t improved. She been told to do plenty of exercise to ensure it is particularly bad when she goes. So she’s gives it a good hammering at the gym first to try and flare it up.

She sends me to Sainsbury’s at lunchtime for what she calls ‘crap yoghurts’. Would you believe it: - Sticky Toffee Pudding, Cherry Bakewell or Apple Pie & Cinnamon. She says she’ll pay me back in kind, if I have the energy after my ‘run’. Paying me back in kind could be very expensive, so she could be a busy girl. It'll be good for her fitness though.

She says I’ll thank her when she’s powering along on a run, or wearing my slinky stuff but not at the same time. I think powering along in her slinky stuff would be a great idea. She’d get more of a thanking if she did. It’s something I will discuss with her after six pints tonight.

My squash opponent from last night moans about the blisters and the sore back he's picked up from last night. He can count himself lucky he doesn’t have a 10k race tonight. He says he’ll raise a glass to me if I complete it. So will I, several of them. He’s more concerned that I beat the 'girlies'. So am I. It’ll be all the same ones as before, I’m getting to know them by now. There are five of the buggers that I can’t beat and as I’ve not trained for this, I'm unlikely to do so this time either. His advice is a bit of light tripping might do the trick. That could be tricky taking out five of them at the start because if I don’t get them then I’ll never catch the.

L has a problem with her bike at the physio and it won’t unlock, so she has to walk home. I pick her up on my way home. We’ll have to rescue the bike tomorrow.

‘Run’ time. It's known as the Jagermeister but we know not why. Yet. The girl with the unnecessary ponytail is marshalling, so at least I won’t have to beat her. L says she’ll probably spit at me as I run past. I will watch out for that.

I vow to take it easy and I do. I close my eyes at the start and let people get ahead of me. Disadvantage is I don't manage to trip anyone up, so no doubt five girlies will still beat me. When I open them again we are running up the hill from the university. I can see the leaders and the lead bike up the hill not very far away. If I sprinted, perhaps I could catch them. I am sensible and don't. I enjoy a nice pleasant first lap, jogging along at a sensible pace but I worry that my time will be crap.

The girl with the unnecessary ponytail doesn’t spit at me as I pass her but her fellow marshall flashes her chest and a smile at me, I know what her game is, she’s trying to put me off. It's not going to work.

I’m in a group of about six and three of them stop for a drink at half way. I spurn the drinks and push on, making three places, easy this. Someone offers a sponge, I didn’t know sponges we’re on offer, I have to swerve across the front of several runners to get one. The disruption seems to gain me another place or two. I lob the sponge at L, in what I hope is a friendly sort of way, but I miss anyway.

At the start of a second lap I join two other chaps and run at their pace. Although one of them has an annoying habit of labouring up the hills but then bombing down the other side, leaving me for dead. I mark his card. A chap in the yellow of Erewash Valley speeds past us all but he doesn’t look totally comfortable. So I mark his card too.

The 8k point is my planned point to push on. Target one, the chap I yo-yoed with on the hills is easily dealt with. Ha. The chap in yellow takes a bit more catching but I do it and pass him too. I pass quite a few others on the run in too. I’m worried that the chap in yellow might come back at me but he doesn’t. I even pass a few people still on their first lap.

The last bit is on grass which is quite hard but still no one comes past me. I come in 58th out of 363, in a time of 41.23. So not bad. Four minutes ahead of my only other 10k time. Guess how many women ahead of me. Yep five again. Distressingly not the usual five.

We head over to the Stick & Pitcher where the presentation is being held. It’s quite jovial over there. The Jagermeister girls are there, who are equipped with their Hawaiian style garlands and have flashing lights on their tits. They’re also dishing out Jagermeister for a £1. This turns out to be a liquor of some type. Apparently it’s made from a mixture of 56 roots, barks, blossoms and herbs. Cinnamon from Sri Lanka, bitter oranges from Australia, ginger roots from South Asia and saffron from Spain. Everything else is top secret.

I get nothing for my heroic 58th or my cracking time but I win a towel as a random spot prize. Amazing, I never win anything. It's only a towel but hey it's something.

Three beers. Landlord, Harvest Pale and Elgoods Cambridge. Then we head home. L does Spam Curry and we have a Leffe. Then L jumps me. She says I was asking for it but I’d only took my jeans off, I was getting ready for bed. Mind you I’m not complaining. A rampant girl is a welcome girl. Terrific stuff. Great use of the teeth. Payment in kind, in style.